The Heart of a Man
What happens to a man when he loses his heart? Who will help him get it back? Where will the battle for his heart take him? These are great questions to ask – and stay with – as God shows up to lead a man deeper into the masculine journey and the recovery of his heart.
What Are You Waiting For??
“When you look at the structure of the false self men tend to create, it always revolves around two themes: seizing upon some sort of competence and rejecting anything that cannot be controlled. As David Whyte says, ‘The price of our vitality is the sum of all our fears.'” (John Eldredge, Wild at Heart)
God has a beautiful way of disrupting the false self in me. It takes quite a bit of time and energy to keep seizing competence after competence. The world, sadly, also has its ways…and it wants nothing more from me, most of the time, than to be so busy and driven and buried that I run from task to task trying to control it all. I am blessed to know, today, that this is a choice I do not have to make.
There is much at stake in the masculine journey…and my heart can ill afford to sit around and wait for the journey to continue. There are steps I must take – both in deconstructing the false self alongside God’s pursuit of my heart and in taking action towards His call on my heart. All of this involves risk and trust. Competency and control don’t like this path. Somedays I need the map God provides. Other days, I take the risk and trust that He will not abandon nor forsake me, no matter how foreign the territory on the journey to my full heart truly is.
The Harbor Mist
“Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses…”
A true whore, Lady Liberty welcomes all who seek her disgusting trivialities. There she is, parading on her pedestal in New York Harbor, her filth-stained skirt hiked up for the world to see, hands busy pleasuring herself before the wretched refuse with the flame of freedom. Children glance then look away, transfixed instead by their gorilla glass nannies as they toddle around in a world their parents create between downloads and Instagram’s.
America the beautiful, strewn with the rotting corpses of steel and coal towns, maggot-infested wastelands of generations lied to and exploited, the black-lung truths spit out onto the streets as men walk away from their wives, images of their departure captured along the storefronts that all read For Sale. The old and infirmed sit in their wheelchairs and watch, knowing the wisdom that a dog will return to lap at its own vomit and feces. Famers pimp their acreages to the government while business owners begin to learn a foreign language in between firing their employees so they can make another nickel in case of a rainy day.
A bus travels down the road to nowhere, its lighted route sign reading God Bless America. Why? Arrogant men and women line both sides of the road it travels, waiting for such blessing as if their wealth and privilege demand we reduce such things as integrity and dignity to the lowest common two-ply denominator so we can wipe their asses with our dreams. Like every other supposed nation that believed its own glory, God is coming for America, too. There is no room on that flaming chariot for such weakness as blessing. Untold millions will look up from their iPhone screens in horror and disbelief when all the 4G in the world won’t be able to save them from the implosion of their own shame. Priests will weep and presidents will hide.
The Matrix is now a vacant and abandoned property, boarded up and the grass growing tall on the lawn where a puppy used to chase little Janey and Johnny before they grew up to be meth addicts like those idolized on TV. Why should God bless such a cesspool of human disease, emotional pestilence, and spiritual decomposition? Businesses are raped, schools are sodomized, and yet look at the blank faces of those who are perfectly fine with walking around amongst the cries for help and free-flowing carnage of precious souls as if lost and looking for a latte.
No, God will probably not bless America. Perhaps it’s time for the jigsaw puzzle to be taken apart and put back into the faded box of another time when the blood that dyed the stripes of a flag meant trusting the Creator as the duty of its Creation. Whether the choice is to abort the young or eat the rich, the mirror tells the tale – it was never Rome to begin with. The gnawing feeling somewhere deep in the gut is right: it is too late. America is nothing more than what’s been made of it, pillow drool from a generation of sloth-filled dreamers who never woke up to smell the coffee had been burning and even the worms didn’t want what had been buried with honor. In the harbor, Lady Liberty moans as the mist rolls in.
These men found the Adventure earlier this year…do you want to go?
Men’s work – and places like the ManKind Project of Kentucky – do exist. For more information on the Adventure of your lifetime, check out the video below:
Initiate the Fatherless Man
As I continue yet another sojourn through Fathered by God by John Eldredge (2009, Thomas Nelson), I was struck dumb…yet again…by a passage in the chapter entitled, “True Son of a True Father”:
‘I don’t want to live fatherless anymore.
You see, we need fathering still. All of us. More than we know. There are many places in us yet orphaned, many places that need initiation into manhood. This is as true of the seventy-year-old man as it is of the sixteen-year-old boy. We are Unfinished Men.’ (p. 35)
Through my connections with the ManKind Project of Kentucky, I have had the privilege and honor of participating in the initiatory journey for 118 men since March 2009. To some, those numbers may not seem to make a dent. Believe me: the ripples in the pond represented by those 118 men are uncountable. Hearts were fought for and won and lives were impacted in ways indescribable. I personally know a man, seventy years old, who went through the New Warrior Training Adventure last September and had his masculine journey awakened in ways he never thought possible!
So what’s the point? I believe Eldredge is correct and on-target that there are millions of men walking around in this world fatherless…literally, figuratively, and most importantly spiritually. Regardless of man’s background, beliefs, or station in life, initiation is something that – especially in our Western culture and unfolding – has been mostly forgotten or ignored. Unfinished Men are leading corporations, churches, families, and portions of government. They range from the gutter-crawling alcoholic to the most financially secure billionaire. Most men, sadly, continue the ancestral dis-ease of living fatherless and pass that along to their sons…who pass that along to their sons…and the disconnect continues.
So ask yourself a question: What part of me needs initiation into manhood? Don’t worry about your age, and don’t be fooled by the first answer. This is a deep question, and the answer is somewhere in the bottom of the pond, under dark and murky waters rarely stirred. Parts of you that you may very well hide, repress, and deny will not want you to answer. That’s okay – keep asking yourself the question.
I am grateful to my father of origin and my Father of choice. I am grateful that men came asking me the hard questions about living without initiation back in the summer of 1996. And I’m well aware that the journey continues…for me, for men’s work, and for the initiation of the fatherless men searching for answers in the places that will never offer them.
For more information on the masculine journey, the ManKind Project of Kentucky or the New Warrior Training Adventure, please go to www.kentucky.mkp.org or call 502.939.4333
For more information on John Eldredge, please go to www.ransomedheart.com
It was December 2010. I arrived at the breathtaking Frontier Ranch in Buena Vista, CO to attend the Wild at Heart Advanced Boot Camp, led by author, co-founder, and director of Ransomed Heart Ministries, John Eldredge. During the 3-days in the Rockies taking a deeper look and walk with the interpersonal relationship with Jesus, this band of brothers over 350 strong from around the world was intrigued to hear Eldredge and his Ransomed Heart team (Craig McConnell, Bart Hansen, and Morgan Snyder) begin to talk about a new book about the life – and personality – of Jesus.
As 2011 winds down, I was asked to review Eldredge’s latest novel, Beautiful Outlaw (Faithwords, 225 pages), I was actually at a point where seeing that Jesus (or meeting with him in Scripture and more often than not misconnecting) was becoming difficult, labored, without much desire. I wasn’t 20 pages into the book when Eldredge – talking about how essential it was to discover the personality of Jesus…undraped by what might be happening in church or Christianity or churchianity or, worse yet, through the religious haze of what characterized most of what, Scripturally, were the arenas in which most of Jesus’ most awesome heart-to-heart cage matches took place – put a deeper truth on the tip of the sword:
‘What is missing in our Gospel reading – and in our attempts to “read” what Jesus is saying and doing in our own lives right now, this week – is his personality, undraped by religion. Let’s see if we can find this.’
Eldredge, author of such bestselling books as The Sacred Romance (co-authored with Brent Curtis), Desire, Wild at Heart, Waking the Dead, and co-author with his wife, Stasi, of Captivating and Love & War, exhibits courage and boldness deftly blended with a fluid and winsome narrative early on. In the pages of his Introduction, he uncorks a fine bottle of context:
“We don’t need further speculation or debate. We need Jesus himself. And you can have him. Really. You can experience Jesus intimately. You were meant to. For despite the vandalizing of Jesus Christ by religion and the world, he is still alive and very much himself. Though nowadays it takes a bit of uncovering to know him as he is.”
And, sadly, perhaps the drapes measured by most churches to fit the windows looking onto the personality of Jesus miss such things as his playfulness, fierce intention, his human face, extravagant generosity, and disruptive honesty. “The man shoots straight,” Eldredge says in a chapter about the honesty of Jesus. “Sometimes he’s playful; sometimes he’s fierce; the next moment he’s generous. This is the beauty of his disruptive honesty – you can count on Jesus to tell you the truth in the best possible way for you to hear it.” (p. 71)
This is the Jesus many, including myself, have been searching for. I thought I met Jesus six years ago for the first time. Eldredge, with a joyful wit and razor sharp (yet perhaps accurate) sting to some of his projections on the church, invites the reader into the scandalous freedom with which Jesus – as fully God and fully man – lives, the cunning he has (…and, oh man, does he use it, especially against street gangs like the Pharisees…), how his heart overflows with humility, trueness, and beauty, and how loving Jesus – really loving him as he is and is meant to be – letting Jesus be himself with you and through the daily encounters can fill one’s life and be the powerful winds to clear away the “religious fog.”
And the reader is invited to know Jesus in a revolutionary way, and Eldredge’s writing – and the challenge behind the questions – does drive some stakes into ground: Why does false reverence replace loving Jesus? Does knowing about God substitute for knowing God? Why shouldn’t power displays be confused for intimacy with Jesus? Isn’t the stereotypical ‘Christian service’ really just a substitute for friendship with Christ? Does the church offer – or prevail – under a trivial morality? I found Eldredge’s style to be a courageous blend of unvarnished aim for the heart of his readers and the unmistakable revolutionary images of Jesus that have been covered over by so much religious coatings. As the chapters unfolded towards the Epilogue, Eldredge is wistful yet compelling: “I am groping for the words that will somehow move you to hold on to this. The train blows its whistle; the mother chokes up and the father clasps the last handshake ever so tightly, because they know what is at stake. My friends, so much is at stake.” (p. 211)
While others may aim low to find fault with a sense of Eldredge (or other authors) positing solutions for the church if only it would listen and take action, a majority of voices seem to be queuing up to say, ‘Hey, yeah, this is the Jesus I ache to know and am ready to meet.’ In a sense, it’s a Gospel that needs to be read.
In conjunction with the release of Beautiful Outlaw, Ransomed Heart Ministries (www.beautifuloutlaw.net) is offering a free download of a companion 18-part video series for the book, along with a free participant guide for small group study. As Wild at Heart (2001, Thomas Nelson) impacted so many men for the battle, adventure, and beauty in pursuing the heart of Jesus, Beautiful Outlaw and Eldredge so brilliantly and bravely challenges that “…a true knowledge of Jesus is our greatest need and our greatest happiness.”
COMING NOVEMBER 14TH – A LIVE WEBCAST EVENT!
FIND OUT MORE AT BEAUTIFULOUTLAW.NET
Beautiful Outlaw: Coming October 12th!!
COMING OCTOBER 12TH!!
From author John Eldredge (Wild at Heart), this new book takes a look at the playful, disruptive, and extravagant personality of Jesus Christ in a way that probably many don’t know, have never met, or may certainly not be meeting in their local churches. Eldredge – along with being a co-founder of Ransomed Heart Ministries – helps lead Wild at Heart Boot Camp & Wild at Heart Advanced Boot Camp weekends for men from around the world. Get an exclusive review featuring his fierce and authentic writing style…and look at the personality of Christ in Beautiful Outlaw.
Come back soon for an exclusive review of the book prior to its October 12th publication…and get more information about OUTLAWCast coming up on November 14th (a live Web simulcast event featuring John Eldredge and material from the book).
Free podcasts, downloads, videos…just visit www.beautifuloutlaw.net for more information and up-to-date info on the publication, John’s tour, simulcast viewing events located near you, and more!!
What I Don’t Want to Tell You…
There are certain things I don’t want to tell you…about me, about where I think I’m at in life (or not at) and where it is that God keeps telling me I am. None of this makes sense to me on most days, but I keep telling myself that what I’m being taught about me and life isn’t so bad compared to what others have experienced or what is yet to come on the journey for me.
It’s like journaling – I’ve been doing it for over 30 years now, and what used to be an interesting discipline has become something of core truth to who I am…I keep detailed notes about what I think, feel, and experience – I am a journaler.
As I approach my 49th birthday, I realize that my life as a man has been squandered, for the most part, on selfishness and ego. That’s hard to accept at the halfway point of the adventure…but I choose to accept it and strive to live a better second half of life. What else is there left to do?
The past six years have been spent developing a relationship with one of the most powerful and influential people of all time – Jesus Christ. Talk about a rock star: this dude has no need for publicists or limos or even more friends on Facebook. And He has time for me?? Yes, He does…and it still one of those things I don’t want to tell you means more to me than pretty much anything else over the last six years. There are so many other things I don’t want to tell you…secrets from a lifetime ago, moments that mattered that cost a piece of my heart, or those really scary things that actually happened even though life kept telling me they never would.
Lately it’s been a season of little desire, much fear, and a path that doesn’t reveal itself naturally. Plenty of warfare against my heart – the enemy of God certainly seems to believe that I have much to offer on the side of good and constantly shows up to thwart my progress. I’m not sure why I don’t want to tell you that…maybe it’s because I believe somewhere deep inside of me is my vision, my action, my mission.
What I don’t want to tell you is that I’m willing to keep trying, even slowly. Like the tree on the hill, it’s the only sunset I know.
Does It Make You A King?
Does it make you a king to see the dawn yet another day?
God pursues me. He is at work. There is nothing I can do, really, to deny this. I know many men who do, who search for something yet cannot find anything, who gather the kindling of spirituality yet never ignite the fire with the freedom waiting to burn in the heart.
“…his word is in my heart like a fire, a fire shut up in my bones. I am weary of holding it in; indeed, I cannot.” (Jeremiah 20: 9)
And so I continue to pursue God. Like a beloved son whose perfect Father has many gifts with just my name attached.
Archetype: The Lover (Connection)
If there are four archetypes to the male common among all men – the Lover, Warrior, Sage, and King – then I seem to understand the connection that comes from the Lover most easily through movies.
Why do I connect through movies? A good question…but one I want to ask other men: What are some of your favorite movies? Why? Really look at what your heart tells you. Which ones really made your heart come alive? Which ones did you want to be the hero of? Who was the hero? Why did you want to be in that role? Tell the truth…
And so I wanted to share 10 movies that really speak to the masculine for me; yours, obviously, will be different. Here we go…
10. Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (1969) – Starring Paul Newman and Robert Redford, along with Katherine Ross. One of my all-time favorite movies, period – this movie will still keep me going from start to finish. A classic – Butch had Sundance’s back and vice versa.
9. Serpico (1973) – Starring Al Pacino. After reading the book and seeing the film, I felt the impact of movies on my young life (I was 11). I saw this movie with my father. I felt like I wanted to be a cop after seeing this movie, based on a true life story of a New York City police officer at the center of a corruption scandal.
8. Freebie and the Bean (1974) – Starring James Caan and Alan Arkin as two San Francisco detectives on what I can only describe is the most whacked out police force ever depicted on film. These two were hilarious!! Stanley Kubrick – a guy who knew a thing or two about film – called this the best picture of ’74. As buddy films go, this one has high marks in my book.
7. The Stunt Man (1980) – Starring Peter O’Toole, Steve Railsback and Barbara Hershey. A riveting story of a criminal on the run and hiding inside the world of a Machiavellian-style movie director. An absolute classic!! O’Toole delivers one of his best performances ever, which is saying something about the dude who rocked Lawrence of Arabia.
6. Thief (1981) – Starring James Caan, Jim Belushi, Tuesday Weld, Robert Prosky and Willie Nelson; directed by Michael Mann (Miami Vice, Heat). A heart-beating, jacked up tale of a Chicago highline thief named Frank on a collision course with love and destiny. One of the finest performances in the career of James Caan…not bad for the dude who nailed Sonny Corleone in The Godfather with cinematic magnificence.
5. Excalibur (1981) – Starring Nigel Terry, Nicol Williamson and Helen Mirren. A period classic directed by John Boorman, telling the tale of King Arthur, Merlin, the Knights of the Round Table, along with the classic doomed romance of Guinevere and Lancelot. A visually stunning movie told with power and grace. Some great mytho-poetic stuff here.
4. Saving Private Ryan (1998) – Starring Tom Hanks, Tom Sizemore, and Matt Damon among others. How Steven Spielberg filmed the first 30 minutes and the last 30 minutes of this film are beyond me. I am still horrified and honored by what it says to my heart. Heroic stuff here – take your choice of heroes in this movie, it’s one of my all-time favorites.
3. Gladiator (2000) – Starring Russell Crowe, Richard Harris, Oliver Reed and Joaquin Phoenix. Director Ridley Scott scores big with me on this epic tale of a general who became a slave…a slave who became a gladiator…a gladiator who became more powerful than the Emperor of Rome. I still can weep glorious tears at the strength and honor of Maximus.
2. Black Hawk Down (2001) – Starring Josh Hartnett, Tom Sizemore, William Fichtner, and Ewan McGregor among others. Based on real life events, director Ridley Scott (again) nails it (again). Not for the squeamish, this gritty look into the battle of Mogadishu is a cinematic masterpiece. One of the best war films ever.
And one more…
1. The Dark Knight (2008) – Starring Christian Bale, Gary Oldman and Heath Ledger. A brilliant study of the shadow in man, the part he would deny, repress or deny. A powerful final performance by Ledger. The man versus the super hero, the hero versus the villain inside each of us.
So, that gives you an insight into some movies that bring out the hardwired masculine in me. There are some great heroes in these movies…what about yours? Feel free to comment and include some of your favorites. Enter the realm of the Lover – the part of the male that connects with others through the heart and the creativity of new beginnings.
You can host a movie night through networks you already have in place with work, church, other business and social organizations, even through online contacts. It’s always an interesting conversation to have with other men about why their movies matter to them as well as what heroes they wanted to be in them. I could have named dozens more movies for this list. Yours, too, I’m sure will be full of great movies.
For more information on men’s work gatherings, monthly meetings and the 3-day experiential men’s weekend called The New Warrior Training Adventure® in the Metro Louisville, KY area, please contact the ManKind Project of KY (502) 939-4333. More information on MKP is online at: www.mkp.org
Fierce. Wild. Passionate. 